Whatever your reason is for deciding to try and have a threesome, let us be the first to congratulate you on adding this potentially hot experience to your sexual repertoire. Even if it turns out to be a one-time thing, as long as you and your partner are on the same page about what it’ll mean for your relationship, it could be exactly what was needed to bring some fire and energy back to your sex life. But be weary.

“Being in a threesome can be a great experience but can also ruin a relationship,” cautions Dr. Stacy Friedman, a clinical sexologist datehookup review and sex coach. “You need to have good communication where you can discuss different scenarios in order to avoid unexpected circumstances where you or the partner may not know how to handle.”

If a couple is open minded and can speak freely about their expectations as to why they want to add a third (boredom, spice it up, explore bisexuality, etc.), have done their research and are secure in the relationship, they may be ready to add someone to the mix. “Relationship struggles such as jealousy, control issues, trust concerns and feeling like their relationship needs saving because they aren’t attracted to their partner anymore, couples may want to reconsider,” says Friedman. “If you feel that you are lacking intimacy and aren’t focusing on the main issue at hand, adding someone to the mix can be quite damaging.”

Once you’ve considered the above and have mentally prepared yourself, the key to a good threesome is finding the perfect third. This is where it starts to become tricky, because finding someone for a menage a trois isn’t easy. Once you decide to go for it, where’s the best place to look for that third partner who’ll be the kink to your vanilla side? Selecting the right person to bring not only into your bedroom but your relationship can be a tall order and a really big decision.

As this will be brand new territory for you and your partner, it’s important to establish some rules on whoever it is that will be touching, kissing and sleeping with both of you. If you don’t know where to turn, don’t sweat. We talked to sex expert and commentator Coleen Singer, as well as clinical sexologist Dr. Stacy Friedman, for some tips on how to approach a threesome (and where to best find a third partner).

Looking for a Threesome Partner in Real Life

As with anything that’s new or a bit intimidating, consider starting slowly instead of diving head-first into this new world of three-partner play. If you’re still on the fence about having a threesome, whether at a hotel room or your home, a good first step toward multi partner play is visiting a swingers club. You may be surprised to know that you won’t have to go searching at underground haunts, nudist colonies, or secret, speakeasy-like establishments to find a sex party.

As Singer explains, they’re actually easier to find than you think: “In addition to actual sex parties held at private homes, many swingers clubs also have informal social gatherings at local pubs or restaurants for those interested in the lifestyle but who would like to just test out the waters a bit first in a comfortable way,” she says.

It’s important to do your research and not go to a place that doesn’t have great reviews. Once you’re accepted here, you’ll feel more comfortable exploring fantasies and meeting new friends who share your same kinks.

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